Goodbye BSN

Thursday was my last day working at the British School in the Netherlands. I have to admit that when I made the decision not to work there any more I thought it would be easy to leave, but I'm actually feeling pretty devastated.

I always knew this could happen at any time- I was hired temporarily as a long-term sub when Cerrie had her second baby, but then asked to stay on when the department realized they had more hours than John, Helen, and Cerrie could take on. But with the economic downturn it was only a matter of time before the school's numbers went down and those extra hours disappeared.

Because those extra hours didn't amount to full-time work, I was fortunate to get a second job at the school as a Learning Support Assistant, helping students with additional needs one-to-one in and out of the classroom. However, this was only a way for me to make enough money at the school so I could teach music. I never really loved the work, and found that although I did my best to good results, it wasn't really my gifting.

So when I found out months ago that I wouldn't be able to teach music next year, I tried to find a new job. This has proven to be a really disheartening experience, and by June I was realizing that I needed to make a choice about whether or not to stay at the BSN as an LSA. In the end I decided not to return as an LSA so I could pursue opportunities at the American School of the Hague by subbing for them in the hopes that I might get a job there for the following year. We were at peace with the decision and I was looking forward to the flowers I would receive at the end of the year!

exhibit A (from the concert)

exhibit B (from the staff leaving party)

But then everyone found out I was leaving, and the outpouring of love from the students and other staff far exceeded what I had expected. I didn't really think I had made an impact on anyone, and I hadn't realized that they had made such an impact on me.

So now as I look back at all the friends and students that I will miss, and ahead to a very uncertain future, I am wondering if I made the right decision. Not that I can change anything at this point, but perhaps my time at the BSN isn't quite as over as I had thought . . .

my last concert (notice the smoke from the smoke machine!!)